Daily Necessities of Life – and Coffee Helps Too
Probably one of the greatest struggles known to Moms throughout the world is the impossibility of maintaining their girlish figure after childbirth. So many of us grouse about this over sugar-infused coffees and scones. We cry with each other and tell each other about how hot we used to be. We promise to go to Zumba class more often, and then always have a reason why we can’t (usually kid related). We are a sad, sad bunch.
Yes, however, there are THOSE Moms. The ones that are RUNNERS. You know who I’m talking about, right? They are the skinny ones that seem to only wear two kinds of clothes: running clothes or well-fitted, super sassy outfits (and when I say outfits, I mean everything matches and looks like she’s all dressed up even if it’s only jeans and a t-shirt). It doesn’t matter what they wear though because they always look hot, confident, fit, and hot (I say “hot” twice because it’s a big effin’ deal).
They’re the ones the rest of us always compare ourselves to. Don’t you always picture them at the stores trying on all their awesome clothes while they smile and laugh and have a grand ‘ole time because their figures are so freakishly perfect? And, it occurs to me now as I write this that they are almost always smiling. Maybe it’s the endorphins. Maybe it’s because they know they’re hot and everybody wants to look like them. Yeah, that’s the reason. Skinny, hot bitches.
They are also the ones that show up at Zumba class and make the rest of us feel like running and hiding in the back row. Not because they are the best dancers. In fact, they usually are not that good at Zumba at all, but since they look so good in the clothes, nobody gives two shits that they can’t follow the beat.
Bad dance skills aside, I always look at these gals and think how much I’d like to be like them. But then I remember that I hate running with the passion of one thousand red hot suns.
I would honestly rather suffer through all of middle school all over again than have to run a single mile. I’d even rather be dropped in to a big vat of something sticky on a hot summer day and then left on an ant hill than have to run a mile.
Still, it’s a fact that I have not worn a bikini since my honeymoon in 2001. A pathetic fact, indeed. After marriage and three kids, my figure has gone to hell. I remember the days when I used to start my day off with a strenuous workout (usually step aerobics) and then ate crap the rest of the day and still manage to turn heads at the bar that night (but in a good way). Those days are long over though, so what’s a gal who hates running and can rarely fit a Zumba class in to her schedule to do?
I was pondering that not too long ago when an offer from the good people at WELLNX came in for me their review their SLIMQUICK Pure Extra Strength Mixed Berries Drink Mix – a product designed specifically to help women lose weight!
Well, how could my fat-ass say no? Plus, they said that my readers could also get a coupon just for reading my review, so buckle up beyotches!
According to WELLNX, SLIMQUICK Pure Extra Strength Mixed Berries Drink Mix is designed for women to help them lose 3 times the weight by addressing the 6 physical reasons women have trouble losing weight.
SLIMQUICK Pure works to
-Reduce Excess Water
Note that I am still unclear what it is “3X of,” but I’m willing to try anything to lose all this excess fat!
Plus, I like all the natural ingredients.
It’s a drink mix that comes in individual packets that you simply add to bottled water. Sounds simple enough, but there is a schedule that progressively gets you consuming more as you go. This could get tricky for someone like me who has to set an alarm to give her daughter the same medications she’s been taking every single day for years. On the first day, you are supposed to take one packet in the morning and another in the afternoon with food. Ok, I can probably remember that. On the second day, you now take two packets in the morning and one in the afternoon. On day day three, it looks like you take two packets morning and afternoon from here on out. Good Lawd! I’m going to need a chart for this. Please kill me!
One packet in 16 ounces of water in the morning and afternoon with food. Sounds easy enough.
I weighed myself. I’m not divulging the actual number because that’s not part of the deal! It’s Not! I recorded it on my phone’s fitness app and that’s good enough! Quit asking!
Morning (9:00am): One packet SlimQuick in a 16 ounce bottle of Spartan water. It sounds like fancy, expensive water, but it’s really cheap, store brand generic water.
Breakfast was two farm fresh eggs that I get from my friend Melissa and her micro-farm (I don’t know if that’s a real term, but they have this cute small farm that serves their family and gives them some extra eggs to sell for cash to friends) with pico de gallo (tomatoes, onions and something like cilantro), and shredded colby jack cheese. I also used real butter with salt on a piece of toasted white bread (not the healthiest choice, but it was way super cheap and I’m way super frugal).
Thoughts: SlimQuick did NOT have that gross, acidic after burn that you normally get from similar products! This is a huge plus pretty much guaranteeing I’ll try my second serving at lunch!
Having the food and drink together gave me an immediate feeling of being overfull, but that went away pretty quick.
I want a second cup of coffee, but I’m worried I’ll get jittery since I had one already and followed it with SlimQuick which does contain caffeine. Crap. I want some coffee.
Afternoon: Ok, I skipped lunch and took my kids out for ice cream instead. Yes, this is like the worst possible way to kick of this new plan of mine, but fuck it! My children wanted ice cream, and who am I to argue.
Thoughts: The good news is that even without the SlimQuick, I still could not finish my salted caramel flurry, so maybe after just one serving my appetite is already coming in to check? Cool beans!
I’ll have my next SlimQuick before dinner. I’ll still have plenty of time (and a glass or two of wine) to wind down and be able to sleep tonight, so no worries about the caffeine.
Yeah, so I forgot about having it at dinner, but it’s all still good because I had a regular dinner (taco salad) and wine and cheese before bed and ………………………
……………….. I still managed to lose over half a pound (0.6 to be exact). So, yesterday was not a complete fail.
Since I screwed up the regimen on Day 1, I decided to make Day 2 a do-over day and call it Day 1.2 instead.
One packet in 16 ounces of water in the morning and afternoon with food. Sounds easy enough. Or not.
Morning (7:00am): A nice hearty bowl of my homemade peaches and cream oatmeal with sliced banana, coffee, SlimQuick and more coffee. My husband tried a sip and agreed it tasted way better than any other similar product we’ve ever tried. He said it was like Kool Aide. That’s cool!
The first attempt did not let me finish my oatmeal and coffee. The 16 ounces of SlimQuick filled me up pretty good. After about an hour though, I finished the oatmeal and had more coffee.
Thoughts (11:43am): Hang on while I freak the freak out! Turns out, you need to limit the coffee with the SlimQuick as that’s just too much caffeine. I’m jittery and nervous. I’m like that annoying paranoid guy in a John Cusack movie.
This makes me sad, but losing weight feels better than drinking coffee, so I’ll cut back on my java (sigh).
The other problem is I want lunch, but I know I have to have SlimQuick and I don’t want to get jitterier. So, I’m going to find a small snack and hope the jitters go away. Oh, shit! This could get bumpy!!!!
I’m starting to question my judgement, but I really want to lose weight!!!!! Soldiering on!!!!
(11:52am) Ok, one small SlimJim later, and I’m feeling better. Maybe I was just missing protein? I’ll try lunch in a bit.
Afternoon (1:00pm): I had lunch with another 16 ounces of water and a SlimQuick. Lunch was my son’s leftover macaroni and cheese. I’m fancy!
Two servings in the morning and one in the afternoon.
Down 0.2 pounds! Not a lot but still more than I lost in the last six weeks combined, so … AWESOME SAUCE!
And – that’s even with me chowing down on chips, guac and a (lite) beer before bed last night! Imagine what could have been had I not done that!!!
I’m apprehensive because today I’m supposed to do two servings of SlimQuick in the morning, and just one can make me jittery after my morning coffee. I thought about skipping my morning coffee and then I realized that was a ridonkulous thought.
Skip my morning coffee – That’s like the Pope skipping his Communion Wafer! Not gonna happen! Nope.
Morning (10:22): So, I’m going to have two SlimQuicks with some of my left over oatmeal and see what happens. Who knows, it might give me so much energy that I turn in to one of those Energizer Bunny Moms who we later find out have been stealing their kid’s Adderall.
Thoughts: Holy Sheep Dip! That was a honking huge amount of SlimQuick and H2O all at once (32+ ounces, to be sort of exact)!! It’s like the oatmeal is battling to keep everything settled in my stomach. That’s the grossest mental image of my week so far!
You know that feeling when you know you need to let out the biggest burp in the history of time but you’re afraid of what might follow?
That monster burp and me — that’s me RIGHT NOW! Jesus, please take the wheel!!!!!
I was fine after that.
Afternoon (2:00pm): I had 16 ounces of water with my SlimQuick and a PB&J sandwich on toasted whole grain bread. It was ok, but considering my jelly was also mixed berry, it seemed like a whole lot of not real berries. Meh.
Dinner was a variety of foods selected to go along with wines at a Wine Tasting I conducted. It was all healthy selections and no desserts. Actually, it was probably the most well-rounded meal I’ve had in a month.
Take two in the morning and two in the afternoon.
I did not lose any weight after yesterday, but I didn’t gain any either.
The conspiracy theorist in me thinks this might be the universe’s way of getting me to drink more water.
Morning (early): This did not count. I had an early appointment and had to get dressed and go. I’m not really one for eating right away.
I’m middle aged, and I have no intention of changing that either.
Afternoon: So, my first does of SlimQuick was at 1:00pm. I had two packets with 32 ounces of water along with some hummus, guac, and pico de gallo in 1.5 flour tortillas. Typically, I eat two of these, but with 32 ounces of water, I had to give some of my lunch to my dog, Knuckles. He was pleased.
Thoughts: I typically love mixed berry anything, but drinking it constantly like this is making me wish for more flavors. I’m pretty sure my blue eyes will be red soon. Maybe purple.
Didn’t happen. I had driven the kids across the state the night before to help my parents with a yard sale. I packed the SlimQuick, but my routine was thrown off, so I forgot about it until bedtime.
Overall, I ended my four days weighing a little less than when I started. That’s always a good thing. The product packaging clearly states that the product alone will not be very effective without a combination of a healthy diet and exercise. My diet was fairly healthy, but there was no real exercise during those days. I probably would have done better had there been. Why can’t SlimQuick make a magic powder that I can mix in to my water to both suspend time and give me the desire to exercise more? That would be a BFD in my book!
I initially liked the flavor, and it was easy to use (when I remembered). However, one can only drink so much of one flavor (especially after it gets to the point where you’re drinking two bottles of it twice a day). I also did not care for the jittery feeling I got immediately after drinking the mix. It’s curious to me that the dosage is the same for me at 5’1” as it would be for a 6-foot linebacker.
I can see where if you are truly dedicated and are willing to put in the effort to mix up the drinks, consume them and follow it all up with exercise, this would be a truly beneficial product.
Right now, I think I’m better off getting my booty back to Zumba class and then trying SlimQuick again when I am on a regular exercise regimen.
Would I try it again? Hell Yeah! Especially since the good people of WELLNX want to offer YOU, my loyal readers $5 off your first order!