Daily Necessities of Life – and Coffee Helps Too
It seems it only takes one person being offended by something s/he may or may not really understand to lead to a profound change in the American landscape. Just ask Luke and Bo Duke if you don’t believe me.
So, building on that, I’d like to get you all terrified of and stirred-up about the total eradication of Bats! Yes, this is self-serving (like most social change is), but I think I can spin it another way to make myself come off as a hero.
Bats are creepy. They look like rats with big ears and scary wings. They fly through the night sky and swoop down at our heads making all those with long hair run for cover while hysterically trying to find a hat or some other form of protective headgear!
And what’s with this only coming out at night shit?
You know what else only comes out at night? Creepers! And Frat Boys! And Serial Killers! – WEIRDOS!!!!!
Have you ever had one get in your house? My parents get one or two in their house every summer. That’s my most traumatizing childhood memory! It’s also why I sleep with the lights on when we visit them during the summer (that still doesn’t stop those bastards though). But let me tell you there is nothing more hair-raising and spine-chilling than a wild, soaring, disease-carrying beast flying around your innocent, beautiful, hygienic children’s heads as they sleep and dream of a better world free of filthy bats. Would anyone be calm if a rat was running underneath their beds? NO! So why should I “calm the hell down,” when an airborne behemoth bat is in there?
Plus, what purpose do bats really serve on this Earth? Don’t tell me they are here to eat bugs, because plenty of other animals are quite capably doing that already. We don’t need them. Get rid of bats, and the pretty birds get more food! Brilliant! In fact, it’s inspiring!
But while we’re at it, let’s not stop at the garish bats! Let’s go for the pathological pack mentality gold and also wipe out a huge source of bat nourishment: Mosquitos! Those mother suckers serve no purpose for planetary or human survival, so let’s get rid of the vampire-ish (just like the bats) little vexations.
Oh hell! Let’s really get on the bandwagon and go after fleas and ticks too! None of these stand a chance if someone can make us a good video to post on YouTube! This is for America, dammit!
Now, in order to make sure there is no more crazy communal propaganda out there, we’ll also have to make sure that all things Batman are banned from society forever! That includes all television shows, cartoons, movies, and more. That means all your Batman lunch boxes and thermoses are now worthless as no one who is not a serial killer would want to be caught dead with any of that contraband.
There will certainly be resistance, but do not back down! We must do this for the good of all people of America. Even the ones who do not know better!
I don’t know WTF Halloween will be like, but I’m just going to act sheepish and pretend it’s not my problem.
So, let’s get this movement going! Be sure to share this post on EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA CHANNEL you have! For
my your convenience, there are several social media buttons you can simply click on to share immediately. However, WordPress and StumbleUpon are on some sort of a break, so you’ll have to share this manually there.
I know you can do this!
Together, we can free our country of bats forever!
Let’s do it for the U. S. of A!