Daily Necessities of Life – and Coffee Helps Too
Who are these people that always seem to be so well rested? You know, the ones you want to throat punch as soon as their perky morning personality shines through the gloom of morning. How do they sleep at night?
If you’re a Mom (and I’ll even toss a bone and included Dads in here – just because I’m in a good mood), a restful night’s sleep is something you gave up in exchange for your beautiful sleep-robbing family a long-ass time ago.
Honestly, I think my children’s ultimate plan is to break my will thru sleep deprivation.
It’s like they started an organized plan on keeping Mom up even before they should have known how to draw a graph detailing who keeps me up, when and how. Those evil geniuses! They better use those skills to set me up right in my retirement one day!!!!
The other night was particularly bad. First, all the stresses that plague Moms were running a slide show through my brain.
Then, the baby (now six) kicked my husband to the couch and then proceeded to hog our queen bed leaving me dangling over the edge certain I was going to fall out. I didn’t fight that though because then I’d obviously hit my head on the nightstand and knock myself unconscious – not the right kind of sleep.
The next morning, a MIRACLE arrived. Yes, Jesus heard my cries for real sleep and sent me a bottle of pure magic.
Ok, I’m exaggerating. It didn’t come directly from JC.
But, my little phenomenon came via a bottle full of sweet dreams from the good people at Healthy Directions! They sent me a bottle of sweet dreams aka Dr. Xu’s Restful Sleep. Jesus told them to. And also, they saw my blog and thought I might be a good person to review their product for my readers.
I have to admit, I was skeptical as shit. All my life I have never slept through an entire night (except for maybe during my drunken college days, but that’s a whole ‘nother blog post). Add to that, I am a Mom of three kids (two now in middle school) who bring all the drama with them daily, and my former soldier husband recently returned home from 8 years (no typo) of deployments and we’ve still to find him a civilian job that will support a family of five. I GOT STRESS, BITCHES. IT FREAKIN’ KEEPS ME UP ALL HOURS!!!!
I have tried everything. Every. Mother-Loving. Thing. Well, I never did drive to the ghetto at 2am to score some week like a friend of mine once did. That bitch is nuts! But, she did fall asleep. In jail.
I’ve gone the more traditional routes looking for sleep:
Melatonin – Yeah, it puts me to sleep within 30 minutes, but as soon as something wakes me up I have to take more. My sleep is a vicious cycle of cruelty set to dreams of abstract art backdrops and creepy music that hates itself.
Wine – Well hell! I drink it anyway. Day and night. I’m beyond using it as a sleep aid, but I like to use it as my excuse for my fifth glass of the day anyway.
Cough Syrup – Kill me!
Other OTC “Remedies” – If they work (and that’s a big fucking IF), then they either leave me with a hangover worse than any whiskey/tequila mixer could ever do to me OR they work one night and then NEVER EVER AGAIN! Those Sleep-Teasing Bastards!
But let me tell you, after four nights, I am one of those annoying fucknuts that sleeps well and has all the energy needed to herd my rag-tag crew of kids around on summer break!
No shit! This wonderful sleep aid helps to put your restless mind to sleep at night and allows you to wake up refreshed and ready for the energy-sucking day that is the reality of motherhood!
Move over illegal-without-a-prescription Adderoll! Mama’s of the world no longer need to sneak these out of the purses of their college-aged nieces! It turns out that all we really needed was a good night’s sleep a la Dr. Xu!! (I wonder if he’s hot?)
Seriously, after trying this for just a few days, I do feel much better and wake up waaaaay more restored each day. Yes, I do still wake up a couple times a night, but all I do is turn over and I go back to sleep very quickly. No tossing and turning and playing alphabet/geography games in my mind. I hope that as I continue on with Restful Sleep, the unwanted wakeups will cease to exist.
I don’t really know how these magic beans work, and I don’t care either — Just let me get some good sleep is all I frickin’ care about. But, if you have one of those inquisitive minds, the formula is like Calgon: An Ancient Chinese Secret.
Ok, not really. But close.
Restful Sleep is a modern formula based on an ancient herbal blend featured in medical texts that date as far back as 220 AD (you know, when they used an entirely different kind of tablet).
Using some words that I don’t even care to understand:
Traditional Chinese Medicine herbs and essential minerals in Restful Sleep™ help to:
– Calm and quiet a restless mind and body
– Promote a full night’s restful sleep
– Nourish chi to bring harmony and balance into the body
– Promote calm throughout the day
– Restore vitality to the spleen and heart organ systems
Once you’ve tried it, please come back and comment below to let me know what you think!
In the event you had not figured it out on your own, this is a SPONSORED POST. That is all.