Dance, Sing and Drink Wine

Daily Necessities of Life – and Coffee Helps Too

Dammit! I am NOT a MethHead!

Dear Reader – First, thanks for stopping by. Second, can you help me? I wrote this a few months ago. It was one of my first posts ever. I love, but I still have yet to come up with a catchy title. Would you mind reading through and leaving any suggestions as a comment? I appreciate the help!


I hate getting mistaken for a meth head. Wine is my thing. WINE!!!!

Let me explain. It’s that time of year again: Sinus Headache Time. That means I buy a lot of Motrin, peppermint and Sudafed. That cocktail is my surefire cure. Every time.

The thing is, Sudafed is a “controlled substance,” because it contains pseudoephedrine – a key ingredient for Meth. In my state, they simply scan your license to keep track of who is buying Sudafed and how much. The state (or the feds – whoever, I don’t care) can clearly see that I buy a reasonable amount and not nearly enough to open up shop and start cooking meth myself.

Enter the snooty pharmacists who like to pass judgment on everyone who buys it.

Oh my God — I hope they all get lice or something.

The first time I was mistaken for a meth head, I was very offended. I was dressed nicely, my hair was styled (and clean), no scabs on my face, I had all my teeth.

I did NOT look like this!!

I did NOT look like this!!

Have you ever seen what a meth head looks like? I DID NOT LIKE THAT! I was pissed. I actually looked nicer than that bitchy old-lady pharmacist who literally looked down her nose at me. Again, NO SCABS!! NO MISSING TEETH!! I never went back there again.

So, it happened again last week. Now, I actually did look a little bit like a sea hag – but NOT a meth head, dammit! I had just left Zumba, so I had on no makeup and my hair was all over the place. BUT —- I was in a nice coat and, once again, I had all my teeth! Still, I could see the judgment in his beady little eyes. The look on his face scream to the heavens that he didn’t want to sell me the Sudafed because the little geriatric little prick was sure I was going home to cook me up some meth and sell it to the innocents.

I'd love to look like this after Zumba, but I don't. Well, my hair does.

I’d love to look like this after Zumba, but I don’t. Well, my hair does.

I’d flipping had it. HAD. IT. As he handed me my contraband and receipt, I looked at him and said, “You know, I don’t really need the Sudafed. I just buy it so you scan my ID and my handler knows where to pick me up.” The woman next in line actually burst out laughing. That self-righteous jerk had no idea what to say. Ha HAAAA! TAKE THAT!!!

Just for kicks I left the store and stood out on the sidewalk like I was waiting for a ride. The lady that got the joke walked out still chuckling.

That was fun. I used to do things like that all the time when I was younger. One of my favorites was to scare the crap out of telemarketers. I would accuse them of stalking me or of being the aliens that were trying to steal my thoughts. They never knew how to handle that.

The telemarketers would panic and hang up on me!

Anyway, after the pharmacy, I had this adrenaline rush, so I decided to keep it up. My next stop was Aldi. When I left the store and got my quarter back out of the shopping cart, I started yelling, “I WON! I WON!” I sang and danced my way back to my van. The little retired couple that been behind me just stared.

But, the worst thing I ever did was to my former hairdresser. I waited for my her to finish a cut and color (the same exact one she had done the last seventeen or so times I had been there – she couldn’t mess it up blindfolded). She turned me around to face the mirror like they always do for the big reveal, and I shouted, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HAIR!?! MY OWN CHILDREN WON’T RECOGNIZE ME!”

She stared in confused horror. The other stylists and their customers grew silent. I started to laugh. Most other people found it funny and pointed and laughed. Except one stuck up bitch in the corner. I think was that first pharmacist.

So, maybe I should wear makeup to Zumba like all the twenty-somethings. I’d rather go home and drink wine. I really hate them. They are beautiful and skinny, but that’s a whole nother blog post ……..

19 comments on “Dammit! I am NOT a MethHead!

  1. Stephanie (@wifemommyme)
    January 12, 2015

    I had to buy some cold medicine for my husband when I was pregnant. I was about 6-7 months and the clerk clearly thought the worst of me. I should of had some fun with it but didn’t. People and their judgmental ways kill me!

  2. Vicky
    January 12, 2015

    Omg…this is hysterical!! Your hairstylist story is still making me laugh (maybe because I can TOTALLY imagine the horror of your poor stylist! lol). I hear you on the sinus meds….my drug of choice is Mucinex D and same thing..I have to give them my license, so I tend to just go to different places to get it. I’ve even bought it while visiting my mom in another state. I’m sure the Feds probably have me flagged by now. Thanks for the laugh and hope your sinuses get better!

    • julieswinecellar
      January 13, 2015

      Vicky! They probably think you have a mobile lab, ha ha!

      • randomlittlefaves
        January 13, 2015

        LOLOLOL!!! Yes!

  3. GlamKaren
    January 13, 2015

    THAT was funny stuff!! haha… Thanks for that. I needed a good laugh today!

  4. tanyap2014
    January 13, 2015

    o no hahha. wow that doesn’t feel good at all…. have you tried zyrtec? I know it works amazingly with my fam. It’s crazy how much people assume I used to get frustrated until God reminded me of how many times in the past I assumed and judged and didn’t know the entire story. Now I just brush it off.

    • julieswinecellar
      January 13, 2015

      It’s all good! I find humor everywhere!
      Zyrtec is good for our allergies, but when it comes to sinuses, we need the decongestant to end all decongestants, ha ha!

  5. heckyeshotmess
    January 13, 2015

    This is hysterical! People tend to think that I was addicted to drugs because the amount of medicine I took and how much I knew about every pill. The pharmacy knew me by name – each and every one of them. But never one of them excused me of being a meth addict. So good for you!

    • julieswinecellar
      January 13, 2015

      I can relate to that. The pharmacy that I go to for our actual prescriptions knows me well, because we are insured through the army, and that insurance is such a pain. That’s probably why I go elsewhere for my Sudafed. Ha ha!

  6. Kayty
    January 13, 2015

    oh my gosh I work at a small town pharmacy & this is terrible! We have the scan & pay option too, & we would have been very polite! I’m so sorry to here this!

  7. mrachellhough
    January 14, 2015

    Absolutely LOVE this! I do snarky things like this all the time! Are we related?

    • julieswinecellar
      January 23, 2015

      We might not be related, but I bet we’d be hilarious as a team, ha ha!

  8. Lenze
    January 16, 2015

    Love your sense of humor. I second just going home and drinking wine! Great post, definitely put a smile on my face

  9. Lynne Streeter Childress
    January 23, 2015

    I have bought perfectly legal things, then felt like I had to come up with all kinds of justification, which made me look guiltier. Hand me Sudafed and keep going, I say!!

  10. bekanne82
    January 24, 2015

    Omg- thank you. I was having such a bad day ( two days actually : nonstop crying) but i chanced upon this post and it made me smile. Thank you 😊

    • julieswinecellar
      February 3, 2015

      Bekanne82 – I just saw thus comment and made my day! Thats my goal, to take peoe away from their stresses for a bit. I hope all is well now! Take care!

  11. Alisha Webster
    April 20, 2015

    You should have seen me after my pulmonary embolisms. After I got out of the hospital, I dyed my hair blue (I almost died and I always wanted my hair blue). I had needle marks EVERYWHERE from getting blood taken/transfusions. When I went to Walgreens to pick up my new blood thinners I got so many dirty looks. I looked like death (bag under the eyes, no make-up, night clothes because I was in too much pain to get dressed), I had blue hair, I’m 22, and I was grabbing meds from behind the counter. Little did they I had been through hell that week.

    I’m horrible at naming posts, but maybe ‘I swear I don’t do meth’ haha (like I said, I’m horrible)

    • Julie Smith
      April 20, 2015

      Alisha, it’s better than I came up with, and I love your story (though I’m sad you had to go through it)!

  12. Cole
    April 20, 2015

    This is hysterical!!!! I’ve received a few looks to when purchasing sinus products when I was CLEARLY sick, I don’t get it! You should name this post “But I have all my teeth’!

Whatcha Think? Let me know, please!!! Cheers!

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